The official site of The Life and Times of Car Johnson
Interview with a Beer Bottle
I’ve decided to do another inanimate object interview. This time, I will interview a beer bottle and video tape it to make sure I get the transcript as accurate as possible.
Car: So, what can I call you?
Beer Bottle: Party!!!!!
Car: You want me to call you Party?
Beer Bottle: No! Party!!!!! Party!!!!! Party!!!!!
Car: We can party later. Right now we’re having an interview.
Beer Bottle: Awwww. Okay. What do you want to know?
Car: Well, first what would you like to be called?
Beer Bottle: Awesome Sauce Supreme!
Car: Okay, Mr. Supreme. What’s it like being a beer bottle?
Beer Bottle: It’s epic! I get to turn men into gods and party! Party!!!! Can we party now?
Car: Not yet, Mr Supreme. Do beer bottles have genders?
Beer Bottle: Is there a girl beer bottle around? Mine!
Car: No, there isn’t, but I’ll let you know if one shows up. What do you think the main purpose of being a beer bottle is?
Beer Bottle: To party!!!! I’m filled with liquid cool! Drink me! Drink me! Drink me!
Car: Well, okay. I am a little parched. -At this time I grabbed Mr. Supreme and downed his contents pretty quickly. I was still thirsty, so I grabbed a couple of his friends out of the fridge and started to drink them as I continued the interview.-
Beer Bottle: I feel… empty. What’s the point of my life anyway?
Car: -After waiting to finish another beer.- I… don’t know. Maybe you’re an alien trapped in bottle form.
Beer Bottle: That’s absurd. I’m just a mass of shaped glass, a former container for an inebriating liquid.
Car: Huh? Is it getting hot in here? I need another beer.
Beer Bottle: It is quite chilly, Car. Please be careful. Too much of us can cause a lack of judgement.
Car: -After finishing a third beer- Too much awesome, you mean! Beer rocks! Let’s go get chicks!
Beer Bottle: I have no legs, Car. I cannot go get chicks. Besides, you’re engaged.
Car: Oh yeah. Then let’s party!
Beer Bottle: You’ll need some of my full friends for that, I’m afraid. My partying days are over.
Beer Bottle: Awwwwwww. -At this point, I grabbed three more beers out of the fridge and started drinking.- I have a ques…tion. Do you… ever… drink… yourself?
Beer Bottle: That’s impossible, but I seem to absorb the essence of my liquid center as long as it’s within me.
Car: Aweshum! Let’s party!
Beer Bottle: I already told you Car, my partying days are over.
After that, I blacked out and found myself face down in a pile of cardboard boxes. After reviewing the video, I found that I had raided the garage of Halloween decorations, called myself the Pumpkin King and dressed in a fairy princess costume Candy had left in one of the boxes. After cleaning up, I but Mr. Supreme and his empty friends into the garbage and took two aspirin, which gave me an idea for my next interview.